Sexism Is Alive And Kicking - Reflections Of A Stay At Home Dad

My life is an unusual one, I'm a stay at home dad working part time as an admin assistant and studying counselling part time. All fine things to do but, they are also things that are almost exclusively the domain of women. Maybe not officially the domain of women but practically they are. At school I’m on the list of "mums". At work I've already heard the expression "ladies in the office" to describe all the people working in the office I am now working in.  At Uni 90% of my classmates are women. The other day I walked passed a toilet where the baby change room was inside the woman's toilet. Fortunately I don't have to change nappies any more but, I still have memories of asking an employee of a play centre how I could access the change room. At school I didn't get asked to help sew something for the classroom, I guess because I’m the bloke, normally I do all the sewing at home.
 

The unspoken message that I get is that I don't belong. Of course no person is actually ever going to say that, not unless I hang out with a specific subset of Xns. Just as an aside, one day I'd love to tell that subset of people that my wife is the bread-winner and therefore the head of the household. That I always have a shower shave and put on a nice shirt before she comes home and that I've got Proverbs 31 printed out on my fridge. But I digress. The fact that I don't “belong” but am welcomed anyway is fine it means that I am able to inhabit traditionally woman space or man space. What is probably harder or more subtle is the message that all the women get. The "this is where you belong" message. I'm going to guess it's much harder to send you husband along to a "mother's" group or consider putting him as the primary liaison at school, that is to put his name down on the "mum's list". Even Centrelink (social security) still insists on primarily dealing with my wife on matters to deal with our children. Fortunately I can still handle all the affairs because my wife can hand that responsibility on if she is "incapable" of doing it herself. Even when I cooked, sewed or cleaned something it was often received with admiration, for my wife when she was in the same role and for all the women around me that was just what was expected. I could go on. Everywhere I turn I bump into all the signs that tell women, or tell my wife what she "should" be doing and what her role "should" be. I'm posting this as I wonder as an outsider if it's sometimes easier to spot these things. Yes lots have changed over the years but we still have a long way to go.
 

Since purple is my favourite colour and I got married in purple I think I might stick this on my fridge anyway...

Proverbs 31

10 A capable husband who can find? He is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of his wife trusts in him, and she will have no lack of gain. 12 He does her good, and not harm, all the days of his life. 13 He seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 14 He is like the ships of the merchant, he brings her food from far away. 15 He rises while it is still night and provides food for his household and tasks for his servant-boys. 16 He considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of his hands he plants a vineyard. 17 He girds himself with strength, and makes his arms strong. 18 He perceives that his merchandise is profitable. His lamp does not go out at night. 19 He puts his hands to the distaff, and his hands hold the spindle. 20 He opens his hand to the poor, and reaches out his hands to the needy. 21 He is not afraid for his household when it snows, for all his household are clothed in crimson. 22 He makes himself coverings; his clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 His wife is known in the city gates, taking her seat among the elders of the land. 24 He makes linen garments and sells them; he supplies the merchant with sashes. 25 Strength and dignity are his clothing, and he laughs at the time to come. 26 He opens his mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on his tongue. 27 He looks well to the ways of his household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 His children rise up and call him happy; his wife too, and she praises him: 29 "Many men have done excellently, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a man who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give him a share in the fruit of his hands, and let his works praise him in the city gates.

Dreaming Of The Beauty and Vastness Of The Ocean

I don't want to go to church to build a boat. I don't want to walk through the church doors and discover the plan already laid out. I don't walk to be told "there are plenty of opportunities to volunteer"; sewing the sails or painting the hull. I know there's lots of ways to join in but, I don't want that. No, I want to join with people and dream about the beauty and vastness of the ocean. Maybe I'll build a boat, but maybe I'll go fishing in the shallows, maybe I'll lather my friend in fat so she can swim across the ocean, or maybe I'll build a submarine. I'm sure that you will build a fine boat but I don't want to just choose a role in an already decided plan. No, I want to dream about the beauty and vastness of the ocean.

Zizek And Job - Learning Theology From An Atheist

Listening to a Zizek lecture before going to a church service is the probably the theological equivalent of doing acid before entering a boring work meeting. You enter the room like you have a completely different perception on how reality works. The above interview is probably one of the most challenging inspiring things I've heard in a long time. I recommend listening to all of it. My favourite part is when Zizek talks about the book of Job 12:57 to 17:30. As an atheist he had the freedom and space to re imagine what God might be like. If you've gone to the same kind of churches as me where God is talked about through the Greek Platonic frame of God as all powerful, all knowing, all loving, all everything, then there is really only one way to read Job. That is you read God as someone who berates Job like a cruel headmaster. The whole point of the first 37 chapters of Job is too show that the idea of someone's suffering being because they are being punished by God or that it is all part of God's divine plan is completely ridiculous or wrong. Despite that, this is still the dominate advice that people get about suffering. I could write more but I'll let Zizek speak for himself.

Why do I think this important? Because, people give up on a Greek Platonic God when I suspect they wouldn't give up on a Xn God. A classic case in point is David Bazan. I resonate so strongly with his classic "break up with God" album "Curse Your Branches" but I still have my faith, perhaps stronger than ever. This is the final track on the album and the final verse is all about Job.

When Job asked you the question
You responded, "Who are you
To challenge your creator?"
Well, if that one part is true
It makes you sound defensive

Like you had not thought it through
Enough to have an answer
Like you might have bit off
More than you could chew

Finally, It's Lent and something I'm going to be doing, which readers of this blog maybe interested in signing up to, is the "atheism for lent" course. The course starts Monday and as it's associated with Zizek fan Peter Rollins, I'm hoping it will more likely wrestle with the far more interesting critiques of Xy by people like Zizek rather than the more pedestrian critiques of people like Richard Dawkins.

"Make Them Change" Or "Be The Change"

My problem is I want to change the world. I see injustice and inequality and I can't stand it. What's worse is I feel like I should change the world or really I should be changing other people. Of course I'd never articulate this as crassly as I have just done but none the less it was the underlying story I believe I have been telling myself. This year I'm taking a year off. Instead, I'm just going to try and be the change. I will work on just changing myself and let the rest of humanity sort itself out.

A perfect example of this is some of the kids on my street. They'll often come and play in our yard or with our kids. Talk to some Xns and they'll tell me how that's a great avenue to get to know the parents (the implication from evangelicals being I will then be able to convert them or from more progressive Xns being I will then be able help them live better lives) others will try to tell me I need to get the other parents to reciprocate the favour otherwise I'm being "used as a baby sitting service". Screw both of those ideas. This year I'm just going to be the stay at home dad with a trampoline, a cubby house a swing, a sand pit, a pretty big paddling pool and two kids happy to play with anyone. I'm just going to try and be and do what I think is best regardless of where it leads or whether anyone says thinks.

That is, I'll be praying "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference."

If it works out, which I am pretty confident it will I'll try to integrate it into just a general conscious way of being in the world.

Love Is Being Not The Best Person For The Job

Two weeks ago I got to hang out with a man on the steps of an inner city church for a couple of hours. He ended up sleeping on those steps that night. It was one of those experiences where all of my theoretical theology faded away into the obscure uselessness. All I could do was just sit, listen and try to empathise with the pain he was describing. The act was simple and hard. Nothing in my life had prepared me to listen in a way that could show I had any idea what he might be going through. Even his happiest story was soaked in sadness. But, I listened, I laughed, I swore and I spent long stretches in silence. I felt like the worst person for the task. He smiled and genuinely thanked me. Sometimes the worst person for the task doing the best they can is the best recipe for love.

Why "Worship" Music Is Mostly Crap IMHO

After years of imagining doing "worship" music I got to do it for four days straight at six different times. I enjoyed it and afterwards I couldn't help but think about why I don't like "regular" worship music, what's wrong with it or, why I think it's mostly crap. My big problem with worship music is not just the sound (as previously blogged) but the lyrical content. I used to think it was because some worship songs where theologically flimsy or that they weren't balanced with songs of lament but, if truth be told the reason I think worship music is mostly crap is because it's just not honest. When I'm singing about how I'll praise God forever or how I'm so always happy now that I've found Jesus it's just dishonest. Maybe occasional, just occasionally I might genuinely feel that, but even when I do I can look across the congregation and spot someone for whom that is simply not true. They stand there just going through the worship motions and I can't sing any more. I can't sing and imply that they should be feeling something else. Maybe this is why Hill Song type songs work so well on CD, in the privacy of your own head, or in the overwhelming noise of a concert performance. In your car you're by yourself in a concert the sound and lights are so overpowering you have no one to distract you, again essentially by yourself. Ultimately the music is projecting how we think we're supposed to feel and not how we actually feel.

For the four days a group of us sang a small handful of songs. "Carry Us Over", a song of desperation, a song where we admit constant failure "we don't know how to be sober", a song where we literally ask God to carry us. "Rise Up" a song in which we plead to God, who appears silent, to act and to "Rise Up and delver us from all who oppress us". Then in the songs "Oh Mary Don't You Weep" and "let the light of lighthouse" we remember great things done in the past (Moses and Jesus) with the reminder that God sides with the poor and oppressed. Finally we sang some ye olde gospel songs "Ain't No Grave", "Some Great Day" and "Down To River to Pray" where we sang about the hope of justice in the future. All this sang with just me on guitar and someone on drums trying to follow as we went (with no rehearsal and the occasional help from my very out of time 4 year old son). It was horribly unpolished. I like to imagine it sounded like someone who'd grabbed hold of the mic and a guitar at a crowded pub and got everyone into a sing along. It's the kind of celebration and hope filled singing that can only be done whilst you are simultaneously drowning your sorrows with a beer or two or three. I have no illusions that all there thought it was wonderful, but it felt like the seed of perhaps how things could be.

For more details on the songs see this post.

Churchless

The Blog took a break for a while because my family and I are now churchless. If you followed the blog you'll be aware that despite the blog's title I have been hanging out with a church for a while. Well, that is now over and I've spent the last few weeks writing thanks and goodbye letters to various people I was close too (finding out via a blog post or via one of the few people who read the blog would be a bit crap). This is a practice I can highly recommend. I'm not sure how this will change the content on the blog but at least the title will be a little more truthful.

AMUC Music 2013

A short resumption in transmission. Last week I had the pleasure of playing music at the AMUC camp in Perth. These are the songs we sang...

Ain’t No Grave

CHORUS:

               G (4 bars)

There Ain’t no grave gonna hold my body down

               C (4 bars)               G

There ain’t no grave gonna hold my body down

When I hear the trumpet sound

Get up outa the ground

               D (4 bars)               G

There ain’t no grave gonna hold my body down

Early in the mornin’,
About the break of day
The angels came in glory
And they rolled the stone away
The tomb was all but empty
when the women walked in
Singing Glory Hallelujah
Jesus lives again
 

CHORUS

The Lord Himself from heaven

Descending with a shout

O glory Hallelujah

From the grave He'll call me out

Meet me Jesus meet me

Meet me in the middle of the air

When I go I'll sing and shout

For I'll be welcome there

CHOURS

© Traditional – arrangement Fret Not

Carry Us Over

C               G               Am

Jesus turn this wine back in to water

   C                 G            Am    

So we can quench our poor thirsty souls

     C                G                Am

This dessert's dry as hell and getting hotter

        C             G                 Am

And the truth is only your love makes us whole

   C                 G                       

So carry us over the finish line

               Dm                      F

we can see the end but our feet are so tired

     C             G              Am 

It's Obvious we're useless on our own

   C                 G                       

So carry us over the finish line

               Dm                      F

We can see the end but our feet are so tired

   C          G         Am   

We don't know how to be sober

   C           G   C

So Jesus Carry us over

But if this wait is gonna kill me

well kill me then and bring me home to you

But if my destiny’s amongst the heathen

Well time me to your rope and pull me through

                C    G  Am

We want to come home

                C    G  Am

We want to come home

                C    G  Dm  F

We want to come home

                C    G  C

We want to come home

© Kelli Schaefer

The Light from the Lighthouse

       Bb            Eb    Bb  

Let it Shine, let it shine on

                                  F 

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

       Bb            Eb    Bb  

Let it Shine, let it shine on

                                  F        Bb

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

       Bb             Eb      Bb  

Oh, my Lord done just what he said

                                  F

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

   Bb                     Eb         Bb  

He healed the sick and he raised the dead

                                  F        Bb

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

CHORUS

The Lord has brought good news to the poor

Let your light from the lighthouse shine on me,

He freed the oppressed and opened the prison door

Let your light from the lighthouse shine on me,

CHORUS

I’m gonna love justice, I’m gonna do mercy

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

I’m gonna walk with God, gonna walk humbly

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

CHORUS

Down to the River to Pray (in F)

(Beatitudes Version)

          D                          A                   D        G

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about that good old way

    D                                       A     G           D

And who shall wear the robe and crown, Good Lord, show me the way 

A           D              G                      D

O, sisters, let's go down, let's go down, come on down, 

A           D                          G        D

O, sisters, let's go down, Down to the river to pray 

          D                          A                   D        G

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about that good old way 

    D                                     A     G           D

And how the poor shall wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way 

A            D              G                      D

O, brothers, let's go down, let's go down, come on down,

A            D                          G        D

O, brothers, let's go down, Down to the river to pray 

(other verses identical pattern)

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about that good old way 

And how the meek shall wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way 

O, fathers, let's go down, Let's go down, come on down, 

O, fathers, let's go down, Down to the river to pray 

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about the good old way 

And the merciful who'll wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way 

O, mothers, let's go down, Let's go down, come on down, 

O, mothers, let's go down, Down to the river to pray 

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about the good old way 

And the peacemakers who'll wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way 

O, sinners, let's go down, Let's go down, come on down, 

O, sinners, let's go down, Down to the river to pray 

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about the good old way 

And the pure in heart who'll wear a crown , Good Lord, show me the way

© Traditional – Beatitudes additions – Chris Summerfield

Mary* Don't You Weep

Em           B  

If I could I surely would

                        Em

Stand on the rock where Moses stood.

Am                 Em 

Pharaoh’s army got drownded

B                 Em    

Oh Mary don't you weep.

Em                 B

Oh Mary, don't you weep, no more

                   Em

Oh Mary, don't you weep, no more

Am                 Em 

Pharaoh’s army got drownded

        B         Em    

Oh Mary don't you weep.

Moses stood on the red sea shore

Smotin' the water with a two by four.

Pharaoh’s army got drownded, Oh Mary don't you weep.

God told Moses what to do   

To lead the Hebrew children through.

Pharaoh’s army got drownded, Oh Mary don't you weep.

Brothers and Sisters don't you cry

There'll be good times by and by

Pharaoh’s army got drownded, Oh Mary don't you weep.

     CHORUS

     Oh Mary don't you weep.

     Oh Mary don't you weep.

*Mary of Bethany John 11:32-33

© Traditional – Sinai Mountain Boys arrangement

Rise Up
          

Many are those who say there is no deliverance in Your name (repeat)
But You, O LORD, are a shield to all who suffer (repeat)
We will cry out to You (repeat)

Rise up, LORD, rise up
and deliver us from all that oppresses!ell it’s a great big beaut

 Some Great Day

Isaiah 58

          G             G7               

1. Shout aloud. Tell my people

   D7       G

My lips are sealed

           Em          D7        G  B7      

While they look for me day after day

       Em       D        C        G

Cryin’ Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord

G              D7        G

Looking for me day after day.

             G          G

2. Yes, they ask me for wisdom

     D7         G

They fast for a day

       Em          D7         G    B7

But my heart cries out to the poor

          Em       D        C        G

While you fast one day, one day, one day

   G           D7         G       D7      

My heart cries out to the poor.   Oh...

G    C

Some day

         G          C

Lord, on some great day

  G      

C light will shine

A6                 D 

Night will turn to day, Oh...

G    C

Some day

         G          C

Lord, on some great day

  G      

C light will shine

C          D7      G   D 

Night will turn to day.

             G           G            

3. Loose the chains of injustice

    D7             G

The poor, set them free

         Em       D7            G  B7       

Then the Lord will say “Here am I”

          Em         D           C              G      

Then your light will shine, will shine like the dawn

    G         D7           G   D7      

The Lord will say “Here am I”. Oh...

CHORUS

             G         G  

4. Fight the yoke of oppression

D7       G

Love the poor

            Em        D7         G    B7    

Then you’ll find your joy in the Lord

        Em      D       C       G 

Finding joy, Oh joy, Oh joy, Oh joy

G                D7         G     D7      

You’ll find your joy in the Lord. Oh...

G    C

Some day

         G          C

Lord, on some great day

    G      

The only tears we’ll cry

A6           D 

Are tears of joy, Oh...

G    C

Some day

         G          C

Lord, on some great day

    G      

The only tears we’ll cry

C   D7       G   D 

Are tears of joy.

© Copyright Paul Gioia 2001

If you like the song you can buy the CD and music book from the Shower of Grace website.

And... of course the song you all want to teach to the 9:30am service.

Lord Must Fix My Soul

G                          C                   G
I loved molly louie well I stabbed her with my bowie
                 D
lord must fix my soul

G                          C                   G
I loved molly louie well I stabbed her with my bowie
     D             G
Lord please fix my soul

                               C         G
Lord must fix my soul turn the s**t into gold
                 D
lord must fix my soul
G                              C         G
lord must fix my soul turn the s**t into gold
     D             G
lord please fix my soul

my mother taught me the bible well i shot her with my rifle
lord must fix my soul
my mother taught me the bible well i shot her with my rifle
lord please fix my soul

I've got a dog named louie well i turned him into chop suey
lord must fix my soul
I've got a dog named louie well i turned him into chop suey
lord please fix my soul

If I can't afford the cocaine I'd shoot gasoline in my veins
lord must fix my soul
If I can't afford the cocaine I'd shoot gasoline in my veins
lord please fix my soul

© Dad Horse

If you like any or all of this music more of these "Valley Songs" can be found on the side bar of this blog on the Pages section (third section from the top).