Critical Child Rearing Mistake No. 13 - School

Last week at a huge 3 years of age my little girl started kindergarten. Dropping her off felt truly awful. She didn't want to do the organised activity - puzzles - she's pretty independent at the best of time and being able to do the puzzles in about the same time it took to take them apart didn't help. She wasn't keen for me to leave either but with a moment distraction, as she received a dinosaur stamp from the teacher, I left. For 2 hours I sat around feeling like I dropped my daughter off to the chimney sweep for a month in return for a shiny silver coin.

On my return she was fine but the teacher said that she had to be very "firm" with her. Which my teaching wife assures me means she wasn't doing what she was asked. My daughter is such a free spirit and I hope it is not crushed at school. I still want here to be the only kid that refuses to eat the pepper sachet that a bully at a recent party was getting all the other little kids to eat.

The influence of U2's The Unforgettable Fire

I was in one of perth's mega churches day dreaming whislt everyone was singing some contemporary worship songs. As I listened to the bass playing the root note of the chord on every quarter note, the drums rhythmical pounding with a fair amount floor tom and a slighly over driven guitar repeatedly playing three notes of the chord with a long delay. I couldn't help but think U2 and in particular the album the unforgettable fire. It got me thinking does 80's christian chorus's + U2's Unforgettable fire = contemporary worship music?

Running AMUC With Music - Valley Songs

Due to some strange lack of better judgment I was asked to lead worship this year at AMUC. It is only once I said yes I realised it's something I don't really have much experience in. So like any beginner I severely over prepared thinking 5 songs a day repeat each song that's 10 songs for the 4 sessions I originally prepared to play these songs... As the week went on I shrunk my list. After realising not everyone will be fully into singing songs they don't know after late nights of serving those in need in inner city Perth.

Be Thou My Vision (in E)

Intro\Outro: Csus4 C
(C)Be Thou my (Am)vision, O (F)Lord of (G)my (C)heart.
(G)Naught be all (C)else to me (F)save that Thou (Em)art.
(F)Thou my best (Em)thought, by (C)day or by (F)night,
(Am)waking or (Em)sleeping,
Thy (F)presence (G)my (C)light.

Be thou my wisdom and thou my true word
I ever with you and you with me, lord
You’re my great father and I’m your true son
You in me dwelling, and i with you one

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou my inheritance, now and always.
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High king of heaven, my victory won
May I reach heaven’s joys, o bright heaven’s sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, o ruler of all

Face Of The Humbled Poor
Mat. 25:31-46

Behold the (Em)Son (D)of (G)Man
With all His (Am)an(Em)gels gathered (F)‘round (C)Him
Behold the (Em)host of (D)nations (C)‘round his (D)burning (C)throne (D)
The King will (Em)reign (D)with (G)might
And He will (Am)shake their (Em)souls from (F)left to (C)right
The King will (Em)choose them (D)one by (C)one and (G)then they’ll (D)cry

(Am)When did we (C)see you a (G)broken (D)man
(Am)Lying be(C)side a cell (G)door?
When did we (Em)meet your (C)eyes
And not (G)recog(D)nise
The (Cmaj7)Saviour’s face in the (D)humbled (Em)poor? (D) (Em) (D)

I am a refugee
I am a captive child, a detainee
I pace from wall to wall with a broken heart help me.
I am the Holy One
I am the Kings of Kings, the conquering Son,
And there will come a time when my Kingdom comes to you

© Paul Gioia

Picture of Jesus

It (G)hangs above my altar
Like they (C)hung him from a (G)cross
I keep one in my wallet
For the (D)times that I feel (G)lost
In a wooden frame with splinters
Where my (C)family kneels to (G)pray
And if you listen real close
You'll hear the (D)words he used to (G)say

(G)I've got a picture of (C)Je(G)sus
In His arms my prayers (D)rest
(G)I've got a picture of (C)Je(Eb)sus
And (G)with Him we shall (D)be for(C)ever (G)blessed

Now it has been spoken
He would come again
But would we recognize
This king among men
There was a man in our time
His words shine bright like the sun
He tried to lift the masses
And was crucified by gun

He was a picture of Jesus
With him so many prayers rest
He is a picture of Jesus
With him we shall be forever blessed

Some days have no beginning
And some days have no end
Some roads are straight and narrow
And some roads only bend
So let us say a prayer
For every living thing
Walking towards a light
From the cross of a king

We long to be a picture of Jesus
In his arms so many prayers rest
I long to be a picture of Jesus
With him we shall be forever blessed

© Ben Harper

The Theology of Fight Club: The Talk From The 10 Year Anniversary Screening

Last month I was part of some Fight club 10 year anniversary celebrations. It was a bit of a Fight Club month. I was asked to write an article for the transit lounge about the theology of fight club and At the 10 year anniversary screening I did a talk to a packed Perth crowd of 12 (it was a small room so it was packed) about the theology of Fight Club too. Below is a copy of the Transit Lounge article and a copy of the talk. I would have like to have spent a lot more time on it so it's a bit scattered and disjointed none the less here it is.

Transit Lounge Article

I can still remember walking out of the cinema through the streets of Fremantle, stunned and feeling like I had seen something truly unique.

Ten years on, I have seen Fight Club (directed by David Fincher) and read the book, written by Chuck Palahniuk, numerous times.

Although denounced by some as a very unchristian film, it continues to resonate strongly with me and my faith. I see one of the film's two protagonists, Tyler Durden, as a Christ-like figure.

The premise is this: Jack works for an unscrupulous company earning good money with which he orders furniture for his apartment. Jack is living the good life—the American Dream—and finds it completely numbing and meaningless. Along comes Tyler to liberate him from this life.

In Christian theology we often talk about liberation and it is usually with regards to poorer people being liberated from oppression. Something a rich, white, Western male like myself can appreciate but cannot relate to.

In Fight Club, Tyler forces Jack to face the current reality of his world: injustice, love of money, obsession with the trivial; and to liberate him from that.

Below is a list of some of my favourite gospel and Fight Club parallels...

Fight Club: Only when Jack truly gives up his will to live is he saved.
Jesus: Luke 14:26. "Whoever comes to me and does not hate even life itself, cannot be my disciple.”

Fight Club: Jack quits job and Tyler destroys all that he owns.
Jesus: Matt 6:24-34. "No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other.”

Fight Club: Jack has no family; those around him follow Tyler Durden and his followers become his family.
Jesus: Mark 4:34-35. "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother."

Fight Club: The first assignment for fight club members is for them to start a fight and lose.
Jesus: Matt 5:38-39. "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth'. But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.”

Fight Club: Tyler Durden destroys both Jacks' apartment and the buildings of credit card companies in order to make everything go back to zero so that no-one is in debt.
Jesus: Luke 18:22. When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "There is still one thing lacking. Sell all that you own and distribute the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me."

Be warned: the film is graphic and brutal and deserves its R rating, but if you are looking for a film to show disaffected adult Western males that exemplifies liberation, I can’t think of a better place to start.

Talk from the Anniversary Screening

Two years ago I was doing alpha course and Nicky Gumbel told a horrific story of a Nazi death camp. It’s the story of a family man found guilty of some petty offence and sentenced to death. A priest steps in and is killed instead of the family man which the Gestapo agree to.
Nicky then went on to explain that we are like the family man and Jesus is like the priest, which is all fine and dandy until you realise that God is the Gestapo and that the priest died so that the family man can be friends with the Gestapo.

Now I’m sure we’ve all heard analogies like this. Stories like this to try and explain what Jesus life and death did. Stories like this is what theologians like to call an atonement narratives. That is it’s a story that describes the atonement “the reconciling, redeeming, liberating activity of God in Christ.” Obviously there’s bits of the Nazi death camp story that echo bits of the gospel but obviously any metaphor where a loving God is represented by a cruel guard at a Nazi death camp has got some problems too.

Now if you’ve been around in Xn circles for a while you have probably heard many stories like this. I can remember one from my youth group that involved a train and station master who puts his son in the road of the train to save the people on board or something like that.

Have people heard these kind of stories? And they’re usually slight variations on the same theme? To be technical that theme is called penal substitutionary atonement.

My problem with this story is that I think the gospel and what God has done through Jesus is too big to encapsulate in just one story. It’s about like Jesus talking about the Kingdom of God he didn’t just stick to the KOG is like a mustard seed he used many analogies. And that’s what we have to do with our atonement narratives. The atonement is like a multifaceted diamond. If we only stick to one story then we’ll end up making the gospel look like just a plate of glass. Of course there will be no one story that describes the “the reconciling, redeeming, liberating activity of God in Christ.” Completely.

This is where I’d like to introduce fight club. Now I’m willing to bet you haven’t been to a church service were the pastor has said ”let me just play you a clip from fight club to illustrate this point” In fact the First time I met Nathan à Baptist College à are you reading Chuck Phaulinuk à He looked so surprised I was sure I was going to get a ear bashing about it’s horrible morality etc.

Fight Club is in essence a story of liberation. In rich western Xy most Atonement Narratives talk about acts of reconciliation or redemption. Liberation occasionally might be framed in the story of sex addict or drug addict – who comes to the youth group to tell his testimony and how he has been set free. I certainly remember hearing that at my youth group, I also remember half the guys thinking they should get out of youth group and get into sex and drugs.

Personally I think it’s tragic that we have missed out talking about liberation. My generation were born into a world where it was impossible to buy a shoe that had not been made in a sweat shop and where third world inequality and environmental degradation was just seen as part of the natural order. Our parents worked hard to give us heaps as I got set to inherit this hard work I couldn’t help but notice the injustice that had been left in it’s wake. So we said no thanks for a while bought cheap flannelette shirts and Nirvana records. But most of us have given up that idealism and like our parents have a well thumbed IKEA catalogue on the newspaper rack. I grew up in a generation that were the heirs of oppression. We could see the injustice in the world and new we were destined to benefit from it but had no way to change it.

Perhaps this is one reason why we as a generation loved escaping into movies like the Matrix and TV shows like Buffy the vampire slayer were there is some greater reality a computer program or vampires that would give us meaning because everything else staring us in the face would pale into insignificance.

It was specifically for generation X males that Chuck Palahniuk wrote the novel Fight Club for. Fight Club is a story of liberation from a society where the only valued role in life is to be an oppressor. Jack the main character in Fight Club works day and night for an unscrupulous company earning good money that he uses to fill his apartment with furniture. Fight Club is a novel for a generation “raised by television to believe that someday we'll all be millionaires and movie stars and rock stars.” (Fight Club the film) A generation raised to believe in the American dream, that we can be anything we want.

In Fight Club liberation comes in the from of the character Tyler Durden who convinces Jack to hit rock bottom. That is, to give up the desire to become a movie star, to not play the game, trying to be famous or powerful, to not even bother with his job or apartment to just drop out of the rat race altogether. For Tyler Durden hitting rock bottom is not a simple submission to the powers around. Rather it is to live in spite of the powers around despising all that they value. For me this is encapsulated in the way Tyler Durden says “you have to give up” to Jack. I could totally imagine Jesus saying this to the “you have to give up” rich young ruler or Zacchaeus the tax collector who gives half of what he owns repays people he has cheated four times what he has taken from them.

Jack is liberated by giving up on the what the rulers, powers and principalities of this world view as important. A respectable job, a nice house and nice furniture to fill it.

Paul famously wrote in Galatians for freedom Christ has set us free. But ask many rich western Xns what they have been set free from and I bet they might struggle. We often we would fall back to our Nazi death camp model and say something like freed from death and freed from judgment. Which is certainly true and will make a difference when we die but it can be hard to see how that can make a big difference while we are alive. What I like about what I see in fight club and in Jesus. Is that rather changing what might happened if you died tomorrow they change what might happen if you live tomorrow.

Fight Club is a violent film, I’d argue it’s Possibly the most violent pacifist movie ever made. It’s tough and confronting liberation is often similar to Jesus when he asks us to give up everything to follow him. Part of the reason why the book Fight Club may resonate with someone who identifies as a pacifist is that no one is forced to join and no one is allowed to just watch. Part of the ethos of Fight Club is to take down the current social order by sacrificing / causing violence to yourself. Participant disturb those around them primarily by hurting themselves and not hurting other people. The only time participants go and fight someone who is unwilling is with the strict instruction that they are to loose the fight. It is an exercise in empowering the other person rather than intimidating them. Like big moment at the end of the film were Tyler blows up empty bank buildings, wiping all debts causing a jubilee. Jesus big moment turning tables in the temple was also a violent act that doesn’t hurt anyone.

But like the Nazi story I started with Fight Club is not a perfect metaphor – It’s going to be hard to find a Xn justification for urinating in food and splice pornography into children’s films.

Probably one of the reasons that we don’t think Jesus when we see fight club is because doesn’t fit into classic penal sub framework. But to prove my point here are some gospel parallels with the film. I’m sure there are more.

Fight Club - Only when Jack truly gives up his will to live is he saved.
Jesus - Luke 14:26. "Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.”
---
Fight Club - Jack quits job and Tyler Durden destroys all that he owns.
Jesus - Matt 6:24-34. "No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.”
---
Fight Club - Jack has no family, those around him following Tyler Durden and his followers become his family.
Jesus - Mark 4:34-35. "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother."
---
Fight Club - The first assignment for fight club members is for them to start a fight and loose.
Jesus - Matt 5:38-39. "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also;”
---
Fight Club - "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We are all part of the same compost pile." Tyler Durden
Jesus - Matt 7:1-5. "Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbour’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?”
---
Fight Club - Tyler Durden destroys Jacks apartment, and destroys the buildings of credit card companies in order to make everything go back to zero so that non one is in debt.
Jesus - Luke 18:22. When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "There is still one thing lacking. Sell all that you own and distribute the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me."

At the end of the film Jack ends up living a life consistent with the beliefs of Tyler Durden. Doing this leads to him attempting suicide. At this moment Tyler (his mentor and example) dies and Jack goes on forever changed by Tyler. Jack asks himself “If you wake up at a different place at a different time could wake up as a different person”

Corrupting Christmas Music - Valley Songs

If you dislike regular Christmas carols as much as I do here's some alternatives. I got to inflict three of these songs on my church.

Mary had a baby

The version I used was by Fret Not and can be downloaded from here.

Mary Had A Baby

E A E
Mary had a baby - Yes Lord -
E A E
Mary had a baby - Yes my Lord -
E A E
Mary had a baby - Yes Lord -

E B E
People keep a-coming - But the train done gone

E A E
Where did she lay Him - Yes Lord -
E A E
Laid Him in a manger - Yes my Lord -
E A E
Wrapped Him in swaddling - Yes Lord -

E B E
People keep a-coming - But the train done gone

Star kept a-shining - Yes Lord -
Moving in the elements - Yes my Lord -
Stood above the stable - Yes Lord

People keep a-coming - But the train done gone

What did she name Him - Yes Lord -
Named Him Jesus - Yes my Lord -
Wonderful Councelor - Yes Lord

People keep a-coming - But the train done gone

Mary had a baby
Mary had a baby - Yes my Lord -
Mary had a baby - Yes Lord -

People keep a-coming - But the train done gone
People keep a-coming - But the train done gone

Everywhere I go

Everywhere I go

When the (Cm)Lord came down to set us free from sin
Somebody's talking about (Gm)Jesus(Cm)
He was born as a baby in Bethlehem
Somebody's talking about (Gm)Jesus(Cm)
At the door of the inn they turned his mother away
Somebody's talking about (Gm)Jesus(Cm)
When her son stands a-knocking will you do the same?
Somebody's talking about (Gm)Jesus(Cm)

Everywhere I (Cm)go -
Everywhere I go, my children -
Everywhere I go -
Somebody's talking about (Gm)Jesus(Cm)

God called the shepherds and the wise men too
(Somebody's talking about Jesus)
They didn't waste no time when they heard the news
(Somebody's talking about Jesus)
They followed the star to where the baby lay
(Somebody's talking about Jesus)
Singing glory hallelujah it's a brand new day
(Somebody's talking about Jesus)

CHORUS
CHORUS
Somebody's talking about Jesus

© Traditional – arrangement Fret Not

God rest ye merry gentlemen

The version I played was in a slightly higher key and used traditional lyrics instead David bazans beautifully melancholic lyrics. David is doing some groovy chord inversion in the chorus I'm fairly sure I've got the chords right.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
(Capo on 3rd Frett)

God (Am)rest ye merry, gentlemen
Let (F)nothing you dis(Em)may
Re(Am)member, Christ, our Saviour
Was (F)born on Christmas (Em)day
To (Dm)save us all from (C)Satan's power
When (F)we were gone as(Bb*)tray
O (Am)tidings of (E7)comfort and (C)joy,
Comfort and (F)joy
O (Am)tidings of (E7)comfort and (Am)joy

From God our Heavenly Father
A blessed Angel came;
And unto certain Shepherds
Brought tidings of the same:
How that in Bethlehem was born
The Son of God by Name.
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

And when they came to Bethlehem
Where our dear Saviour lay,
They found Him in a manger,
Where oxen feed on hay;
His Mother Mary kneeling down,
Unto the Lord did pray.
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

Now to the Lord sing praises,
All you within this place,
And with true love and brotherhood
Each other now embrace;
This holy time of Christmas
God's great gift of grace.
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

Bb*
-0-
-6-
-7-
-8-
-8-
-x-

© Traditional – Arrangement David Bazan

To Mobile Or Not To Mobile

I have never owned my own mobile phone every job I’ve had for the last 10 years has always come with one now as I move to home dad full time I have to work out if I want to get a phone of my own. I'm lucky enough to own an old palm pilot that I can around religiously and use to blog write thoughts and lists. I love everything about it except that people call me on it. Quiet possibly the reason I wince every time I hear my ringtone is because the call will most likely be work related.

Busy Busy Busy

The last 4 weeks have been incredibly busy. I hate it it's so bad for the soul. I'm missing things forgetting things turning up late to things and putting things off that I would usually do straight away. What's more screw ups are happening all around me. I’ve turned up to two meetings recently (arranged by other people). Meeting one was cancelled the moment the meeting started on that occasion wasting just 3hrs of my time and meeting two in a remote country town wasn’t confirmed by the organisers so I was the only one there wasting 2 days and a flight. All much easier to take when I only have 14 working days left to go before becoming a home dad.

It's been interesting to see the reactions of people as I tell them I’m leaving paid work to be a stay at home dad. Some older women look at me like I’ve just announced I’ve planned to emasculate myself were male friends my own age look at me with jealousy.

Clarity! No really this time

Well the wheels of due process can take a while to turn but turn they did and I last week I got some clarity on what the four statements in my deferment actually mean. (I've been insanely busy recently so it's taken a while to get around to posting)

So hear are the interpretations of what the statements mean...

"You become centred in the Uniting Church" means... Immersion in the uniting church. That is being more involved in the uniting church outside of my own congregation. So things like the Wednesday afternoon group that meets at the theological hall, visiting other congregations, being part of meetings at other churches, visiting other arms of the church like uniting care, justice, ethics and presbytery (regional) meetings or gatherings. This is not surprising as I'm as aware as any body else that I don not have much experience in the uniting church. It was suggested to me "is this not the case for most applicants?" and that this could be gained once I'd been accepted as a candidate. None the less perhaps outlined before hand what sort.

"You get help in managing your depression" means... doing psychological work not too work on current psychological disorder but to safeguard against potential future burn out. although not necessarily with a psychologist but with a mentor.

"You become centred in your own body" and "Undertake some training in using breath to centre and speak publicly" Means... Learning to breath with mydiaphragm which can be done with singing lessons or meditation. This is to give me gravitas or a projection of self confidence. Which will be useful when dealing with my church my way kind of people.

So there you have it.

I've yet to work out if I how I feel about these reasons for the decision. I do think that the UCA reserves the right to reject or accept people on what ever ground they chose. I do feel that there is something wrong with the process though especially as I think the full explanations don't match the summary statements.

I am thinking that perhaps after the Period of discernment there could be a period of preparation to candidate. My Depression / burn out could have caught here certainly the experience / immersion issue would have been.

Since my official ruling does not obviously and logically mean what it means. I think I should have been given a ruling (could be hand written) on the day. Later I could have been sent a detailed explanation in a letter. All of which should have a time line of when this will happen.

I'm not sure exactly what I'll do next. I will write all these suggestions to the relevant people.

The Theology of Fight Club: A 10 Year Anniversary Screening

If you live in Perth Western Australia. You could come to this event...

The Theology of Fight Club: A 10 Year Anniversary Screening

It's ten years this month since Fight Club hit Australian cinema screens. For many, it is probably the most unchristian film they could think of - violent, subversive and nihilistic. But for some Christians it's actually a theologically important film, and not nihilistic at all.

You're invited to celebrate a decade of this life-changing cult film with a special screening and talk:

"Theology of Fight Club" a talk by Chris Summerfield followed by Fight Club, the movie itself

7:30pm Friday 20 November 2009
Christian Centre For Social Action
879 Albany Hwy, East Vic Park (cnr Canterbury Tce)

Cost: suggested $5 donation to the Centre's aid work in East Timor

Please RSVP so Nathan and I know if we need to put out more than two chairs.

Mr Mum

Well some big changes afoot. I will be leaving my current full time job in January and will become a stay at home dad. My wonderful wife who is very good at the whole bread winning thing is going back to work and I'll be at home for a while. I can't wait.

Clarity?

As I mentioned in my previous confusing post I was deferred as a candidate for Ministry of the Word with the Uniting Church. Below is the letter minus greetings and salutations I received that explains what I have to do before I can have another crack at applying.

In accordance with Regulation 2.2.12b your application to become a candidate for Ministry of the Word be deferred with the following conditions which must be satisfied before further consideration of the application:
- you get help in managing your depression
- you become centred in the Uniting Church
- you become centred in your own body
- undertake some training in using breath to centre and speak publicly

I will be requesting further clarification.

Deferred

"Decision deferred for at least 12 months" is the official verdict from the UCA (Uniting Church of Australia) to my application to become a minister of the word. Which basically means no but you're welcome to come back and have another crack later.

The decision is deferred with three conditions.

1.Become more involved with the UCA - I can kind of understand this because I have only been part of a uniting church for the last 4 and a bit years. Although given the breadth of experience I've had in other denominations and that the UCA prides itself on being ecumenical, it wasn't something I was expecting. I haven't been really involved in anything above the parish level mainly because I'd rather not spend my time there. If I was given an extra few hours in life to spend at church it would most likely be at the youth group than a presbytery group or church council.

2.The way I embody myself - one panellist kept repeating that I needed to get the "the breath" and every one else nodded knowingly like they all knew exactly what she was saying. she tried to clarified by saying at the moment "things rest on your shoulders" I gave back a puzzled look reasonably sure she wasn't referring to the back pack beside me. The puzzled look was all I could muster apart from yelling "you can't explain a metaphor with another freakin' metaphor". She said remember how we spoke about gravitas in the interview. I did. that was a phrase I understood. Gravitas...

# dignity: formality in bearing and appearance; "he behaved with great dignity" wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
# Gravitas (from Latin) is a quality of substance or depth of personality. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravitas
# Seriousness in bearing or manner; dignity; substance, weight en.wiktionary.org/wiki/gravitas
# A sense of physical weight, the illusion of mass, the appearance of maturity or advanced age, and the elusive quality of dignity.
www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Bonsai

I asked an Anglican friend of mine if he had heard the expression "the breath". After an eye roll he explained he'd heard it used in terms of the breath of god or the spirit flowing through someone or not. I can't say for certain that this is what the panel meant but it would certainly explained the reverential nods that everyone but me gave whenever the phrase "the breath" was uttered. the suggestion to fix this was to do yoga with a master teacher or singing lessons and elocution lessons were also previously mentioned .

3. Sort out my Depression: On the surface fair enough for what can be a very stressful job. Although I haven't had a serious episode of depression for years. In fact the last time I posted about it was three and a half years ago. As part of this whole process I saw a psychiatrist for a couple of sessions to give me a psychological assessment. He suggested that he said that it would be worth revisiting what originally caused my depression and definitely not to find someone who used CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) as that tended to deal with just the symptoms and how to cope with them rather than any underlying cause. He suggested narrative therapy and to do this in a few years after study once life had settled down. Interestingly the panel recommend that I see someone who uses CBT. Although it's a few days after what I thought was my life calling slipping through my fingers and being in a job going no where where I'm struggling to pay just the day to day bills. I'm not actually feeling at all depressed, I have had some trouble sleeping for the first night or two as things raced through my mind which is kind of new for me but that has been as close to depressed as I've got. on paper it's one of the all time low points for me so it's kind of nice not to feel shattered by it. I did try imagining what sort of conversation I might have with a CBT specialist counsellor if I saw one.

Counsellor "What can I do for you"
Me "I need some help with depression"
Counsellor "when is the last time you felt depressed",
Me "three years ago",
Counsellor "what did you do about it"
Me "I went to a psychologist who specialised in CBT",
Counsellor "how did that go",
Me "I haven't had a depressive episode since".

Having said that, I realise I've got more work to do on myself.

These are my recollections of the three reasons given to me for the deferral. I'm keen to see exactly what is officially written to me.

So, what should I do? It's easy to say go back next year but Having seen one person go through the whole thing twice only to get a no I'm not so sure. the First time they went through they were told to get experience lay preaching they did, enjoyed it and got good feedback. To me that feels like something really concrete that you can say yes I can do that and I can get feedback if I'm any good before I go back again. My situation feels far less concrete than this.

Officially I've been told "deferred for at least 12 months" but it was suggested that 2 or 3 years time might be more appropriate. As I reflect on the whole experience I'm wondering will I ever get "the breath" or will I be able to get my depression under more control than it already is. If I do manage both these things will I, like the other candidate, get a no anyway? It was possible to get a "yes with conditions" so I could of been told, for example, yes but must attend X number of counselling sessions.

To conclude apart from being a pretty annoyed about the whole thing I am not sure what to do.

The UCA Decides

Well this weekend is it. The Uniting Church of Australia (UCA) decides whether me as a minister is a good idea or not. Pray for them or me or both. :)

Moonlighting At The Transit Lounge

I was asked to do a post at the Uniting Church's Transit Lounge site about the tension between faith and church. You can see it here or just read it below.

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Like most Christian people I know who are under 40, none of us really like the idea of going to church. Sentiments like I’m spiritual or I’m a Christian just not religious are more common than not. My friends and I did not slowly drift from church as we drifted from our faith. On the contrary, it was as we took our faith more seriously we found it harder to continue going to church

Ask those friends of mine what they don't like about church and they might mutter something about a disdain for institutions and how Christianity went down hill after Constantine. For many of them it's really hard to articulate exactly what they dislike about church because the answer is, 'pretty much everything.'

They have been disenfranchised for so long that they are no longer thinking, 'what would I like to change about church' but rather, 'why would I go in the first place?'

It's easy to point the finger at how church is done. Sermons rarely lack the academic rigour and insight of interviews with theologians you can download for free off the net. Communal singing, be that contemporary worship music or hymns, can just seem strange to those of us who grew up on a diet of alternative rock. And, social outreach programs rarely reach the quality or effectiveness of those run by larger NGOs (non-government organisations).

But there is far more to it than just the “how” of church.

I once heard of church youth group leader asking their youth group…

(a) what are the biggest issues facing the church at the moment?

They wrote all the answers in a list.

Then they asked…

(b) what are the biggest issues facing the world at the moment?

They wrote these answers in a list.

Then they looked at the two lists. There was no overlapping issues on either list.

Despite all this, after years of not being part of a 'proper church', my wife and I started the painful process of looking for a church. Partly driven by us working for Christian organisations where we were supposed to be 'actively involved' in a local church.

As we searched from happy clappy mega church to small liberal church I felt a common vibe amongst all of them. A sense that this is the way we do things here and we were welcome to join in or, if we didn’t like it, not.

Eventually I decided I didn’t want to get anything out of church. I was looking for a church were I could give something.

After all, like many of my peers, I had been a Christian for a long time and I had loads of experience. It was only when my now minister said he’d be up for me trialling a few different ideas I had floating around in my head, that I thought this might be the place.

Now I am proud to be a member of my church and it's not my ideal church, far from it. What's more I hope never is my ideal church.

There far too few people who would want to be part of a church designed to pander to the wants and desires of a middle aged man who has been a Christian almost all of his life and likes to do church one particular way.

I Hope I Get To Meet Christopher Hitchens In Heaven One Day

Every time I listen to Christopher Hitchens, or one of the other four horsemen of the atheist apocalypse (Dawkins, Harris and Dennet), I feel myself taking a deep breath unsure if I'm about to hear some killer argument that will see my faith disappear in puff of logic. After all they are pretty smart people.

This time I was listening to Christopher Hitchens being interviewed by Tony Jones of Late Line fame.

He spoke as if many of the Xn people he spoke to argued that morality was proof of God or that God (via Xy for Xns) is what teaches us morality. I can't believe this kind of argument still persists. Hasn't any of the Xns pushing this line of argument read Matthew 25 or the parable of the Good Samaritan or any of the parables where moral thing being done by the non religious or religiously incorrect person is contrasted with the religious person doing the immoral thing?

His arguments about Martin Luther King I found less convincing mainly because of the way I read scripture. I think Hitchens sees scripture as like a law book where you can pick and choose bits equally with the whole thing needing to be in complete agreement with itself. This is completely understandable as this is exactly what many Xns do. Personally I've always thought of weird given that one of our major figures said things like "you have heard it said but I say..." (Matt 5:38)

I tend to view scripture as an on going revelation rather a law book. Xns who argue against picking a bit out of Leviticus to support a particular idea usually have their arguments reduced to something along the lines of "that's not loving and god is loving so we'll ignore that bit" I would argue that they're simply not taking scripture seriously.

As he spoke it reminded me how important it is to hear the voice of the heretic. Hitchen's may not be a believer but like previous heretics (Martin Luther or even Jesus) his voice needs serious thought.

Hitchens is not only the atheist and critic we deserve to have but are blessed to have. We need to agree with him that religion can be dangerous and open to abuse which under the right and fairly unextraordinary circumstances can be devastating. For example if we were to want exemption to discrimination laws it would not be carte blanche (as some Xns are arguing at the moment) but only for very specific reasons which wider society would be comfortable with.

There has been much post enlightenment theological thought but for the most part of of it seems to still exclusively reside within theological institutions. My hope is that The popular and lucid thoughts of Hitchens might challenge main stream Xy and force us to grow and change.

Valley Songs: The Light From The Lighthouse

This is a gospel classic that I first heard via the Token's Radio Show. There are many different versions many of which take verse lyrics from other songs. So, in that tradition I've written my own verses 2 and 3.

The Light from the Lighthouse

Chorus.
Let it (Bb)Shine, let it (Eb)shine (Bb)on
Let the light from the lighthouse (F)shine on me
Let it (Bb)Shine, let it (Eb)shine (Bb)on
Let the light from the lighthouse (F)shine on (Bb)me

1. Oh, my (Bb)Lord done just (Eb)what he (Bb)said
Let the light from the lighthouse (F)shine on me
He (Bb)healed the sick and he (Eb)raised the (Bb)dead
Let the light from the lighthouse (F)shine on (Bb)me

CHORUS

2. The Lord has brought good news to the poor
Let your light from the lighthouse shine on me,
He freed the oppressed and opened the prison door
Let your light from the lighthouse shine on me,

CHORUS

3. I’m gonna love justice, I’m gonna do mercy
Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me
I’m gonna walk with God, gonna walk humbly
Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

CHORUS

Valley Songs: Some Great Day - Paul Gioia

Twice in the last month or so I've got to play some valley songs with Paul Gioia. Paul was the man who showed me that congregational singing could be enjoyable. He has lots of great songs but my favourite is probably still Some Great Day. Paul plays it in G but the singers I play with prefer it in E so the chords are in E but the stream is in G. If you like the song you can buy the CD and music book from the Shower of Grace website.

Some Great Day (Isaiah 58)

1. Shout a(E)loud. Tell my (E)people
My (B7)lips are (E)sealed
While they (C#m)look for me (B7)day after (E)day (G#7)
Cryin’ (C#m)Lord, Oh (B)Lord, Oh (A)Lord, Oh (E)Lord
(E)Looking for me (B7)day after (E)day.

2. Yes, they ask me for wisdom
They fast for a day
But my heart cries out to the poor
While you fast one day, one day, one day
My heart cries out to the poor. Oh...

Chorus
(E)Some (A)day
Lord, on (E)some great (A)day
A (E)light will shine
(A6)Night will turn to (B)day,
Oh...
(E)Some (A)day
Lord, on (E)some great (A)day
A (E)light will shine
(A)Night will (B7)turn to (E)day. (B)

3. Loose the chains of injustice
The poor, set them free
Then the Lord will say “Here am I”
Then your light will shine, will shine like the dawn
The Lord will say “Here am I”. Oh...

CHORUS

4. Fight the yoke of oppression
Love the poor
Then you’ll find your joy in the Lord
Finding joy, Oh joy, Oh joy, Oh joy
You’ll find your joy in the Lord. Oh...

Chorus 2
Some day Lord, on some great day
The only tears we’ll cry
Are tears of joy, Oh... Some day
Lord, on some great day
The only tears we’ll cry
Are tears of joy.

© Copyright Paul Gioia 2001

Cleric Why?

It's less than a couple of weeks until I find out if the Uniting Church thinks me becoming a minister is a good idea or not.

I got an email from a reader asking "why be a cleric in the UCA? I mean -- why a cleric at all? I don't myself see much justification for the setting up a class of professional ministers, thinking ... well, you can probably construct that line easily enough!"

Why should someone, including me, become a cleric? This is something I struggle with constantly and something I expect to continue to struggle with if I end up as a minister. My gut reaction to the question of becoming a cleric is to say don't. Almost every argument I’ve heard talking about why paid ministry is bad I agree with. I won't bore you by listing them all. None the less, given all that aside why would I want to become one?

Part of the problem of the clerical class is the problem of institutions. There is plenty to dislike about institutions but as long as Xy is large and wants to be organised institutions are unavoidable. So a question worth asking is what kind of institution. For me any religious institution needs to have at least these three qualities. Honest, transparent and finite.

• Honest: able to admit when things are bad. Able to admit that the denomination is flawed and will not meet needs of everybody or all the needs of one person. That the denomination is not the church just a denomination of the church.
• Transparent: transparent so that people can see when the institution is only doing things to make self look good and preserve it self and to operate in such a way that sins cannot be covered up assuming that this is always possible.
• Finite: the institution won't do everything and it will end. Denominations and institutions will die and that's ok. They may also radically change in order to survive.

Despite all the problems of the institutional church probably the greatest problem is that I can't see a viable alternative to it. Furthermore when and if there is an alternative a large part of th church will not be ready for it.

At the moment the majority of the church is used to having a minister. I think within my lifetime there will always be a place for minister type people. At the very least that role will be to shut the door turn out the lights on the current way of doing church and walk with rest of the congregation to a new way of being church a way that may not involve clerics. I know that there's plenty about the way church happens at the moment that isn't good and the kind of leader I would want to be is one that can imagine a community were my role is no longer needed if and when that is necessary.

I should just say as a postscript to this post, particularly for any newer readers, I’m not saying everything about church is fine and God will let us know if we need to change anything. Church has been in trouble for some time, personally I have really struggled to be involved and have learnt to have faith without it. Something new is emerging and I have felt a call to be a part of that and be a part of that in this particular capacity.

David Bazan

I finally got around to discovering David Bazan after being recommended by a few US and UK readers. After a few in the listens as background music I couldn't work out what the fuss was about. Then one night I had a bath and listened to the Control album. I was hooked. The lyrics to the song Options just blew me away. His lyrics are consistently great. One of my favourite lines is from the song Forgone Conclusions is...

you were to busy steering the conversation toward the lord
to hear the voice of the spirit begging you to shut the f*** up

It's hard to get hold of his music in Australia I was told by a major CD store that "it could take up to 3 months and we can't guarantee getting it in". If you want an introduction to David Bazan that doesn't involve ordering from Amazon check out this live solo performance. To get a feel for the man behind the music check out this Nick and Josh podcast interview.

Jesus All About What?

Last month The Spirit of Things discussed the Jesus All About Life campaign. It's something I have to admit I've completely missed. Apart from a few friends who changed their logo on Facebook to a logo I could only just read if I squinted I haven't seen anything. None the less I got to hear all about it on this interview. What really struck me in the interview was this passage.

Rachael Kohn: Daniel, to be serious though, I mean isn't it a Christian imperative to change the world for the better? That is, being there for the people who live in very degraded circumstances?

Daniel Willis: Sure. And the thing about that is that in order to present that, or to go down that track, people actually need to be in a relationship with Jesus. So if they aren't already in a relationship with Jesus, then how are they going to bring that Christian value, that Christian ethic, that Christian morality to bear on the situations in another country? Just this morning, I was listening to a news broadcast about adoption, where they're adopting children from foreign countries, from Third World countries, and the devastation that that is causing, the wrong way that that's being approached.

Unless we have an understanding of who Jesus is, what he said, and how we should deal with one another, then we can't send people from our country out to deal with situations like that adoption issue because they might go out and do exactly what the other country was doing in exploiting that situation.

So this means that the only people who have a problem with Westerners ripping cute African kids out of their adopted families are Xns? I don't think so.

I find it hard to believe that Xn people are still stuck in a believe then act paradigm. It got me thinking does this person actually know any non Xn people? Personally most non Xn people I know well have strong ethical ideas. What they might not have is a spiritual framework to put those ethics in.

Maybe rather than ads thanking Jesus for V-neck guitars and sleep ins, an add like this might be more appropriate.

I want a cleaner planet,
I want to house the homeless,
I want to stop war,
I want to end injustice.
Jesus prayed "Your Kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven"
Get on board with what God is doing and be part of changing the
world.

Church: A Definition

An organisation run by elderly men for elderly women.

Care of James Jupp on Late Night Live.

Best Wedding Entrance I've Ever Seen (Apart From My Wife's)

Last weekend I got to watch my wife's cousin get married. She walked into the Obadiah Parker version of Hey Ya (originally by Outkast). At first I thought it was a cool song to play before the wedding but then about half way through the song the bridesmaids started walking in which meant the bride got to half walk half dance into the "shake it, shake it, shake it like a polarioid picture" verse. Very very cool. A great start because you knew the service was going to be a wonderful celebration.

My wife walked into Cat Power's version of The Sea of Love. Two of my grooms men played guitar and one of her bridesmaids (once she'd walked down the isle) did the singing. Magic.

I'm Back

After a break, I'm back to blogging. Whilst spending less time blogging I did a bit more music. In the last month I got play my first ever solo gig at the WA TEAR camp. I recorded the gig on my super cheap iPod microphone ($1) and whilst the performance was not the devastating embarrassment I first thought it was I'm still wondering should I bother trying to reach the dizzy heights of mediocre musicianship?

Blogging Break

I'm going to take a break from blogging for a while. I know there's only a small handfull of people who read this any way but i don't feel like i've got much that is worth while to say at the moment. So, rather than slowly fade with not great posts I'm going to stop for a while.

Valley Songs: Down to the River to Pray

The last two times I’ve been to church (at different churches) I’ve got to sing and play this song and it’s great to sing in a large group. Made most famous by it’s appearance in the film Brother Where Art Thou I’ve changed the words slightly to include some beatitudes. The first time I played it was with the ridiculously talented Paul Gioia. Always a blessing and a curse playing with him. You get to see how much potential music has but you get to realise how much you have to learn.

Here's Alison Krauss singing it...

Down to the River to Pray
(Beatitudes Version)

As I went (E)down to the river to pray, (B)Studying about that (E)good old way
And (E)who shall wear the robe and crown, Good (B)Lord, (A)show me the (E)way
(B)O, sisters, (E)let's go down, (A)let's go down, come on (E)down,
(B)O, sisters, (E)let's go down, (A)Down to the river to (E)pray

(other verses identical pattern)

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about that good old way
And how the poor shall wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way
O, brothers, let's go down, let's go down, come on down,
O, brothers, let's go down, Down to the river to pray

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about that good old way
And how the meek shall wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way
O, fathers, let's go down, Let's go down, come on down,
O, fathers, let's go down, Down to the river to pray

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about the good old way
And the merciful who'll wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way
O, mothers, let's go down, Let's go down, come on down,
O, mothers, let's go down, Down to the river to pray

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about the good old way
And the peacemakers who'll wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way
O, sinners, let's go down, Let's go down, come on down,
O, sinners, let's go down, Down to the river to pray

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about the good old way
And the pure in heart who'll wear a crown , Good Lord, show me the way

© Traditional - Beatitude additions Chris Summerfield

Sympathy for The Devil

I have never been a fan of Kyle Sandilands. But, I can’t help but feeling that in the furor over the incident on his breakfast show that some key things were missed. What was most shocking for me in the whole incident was not Sandilands reaction but...

1. That a 12 year old had been raped.
2. That a 14 year old was put under a lie detector test and asked questions about her sex life.
3. The question about her sex life was being asked by her mother who the daughter had already told about the incident.

I assume that after the revelation that she had been raped the "is that your only experience" question he asked was probably a way of trying to affirm that she was not sexually active teenager, which is what the mother's question was trying to find out. The incident was unquestionably badly handled but, in the heat of live comedy radio I think many might have done the same. I have some sympathy for Sandliands who is being crucified while all the other issues are being ignored.

I think the media can do better than concentrate on just one element of this story.

I Want To Do

Inspired by Fox Mulder's "I Want To Believe" poster and a recent viewing of the film Ghandi.

What Has God Been Doing To My Life?

If you've read any of this blog you'll know that I'm not the kind of person who believes in God having some kind of direct hand guiding and directing my life. Now as I look back over my life I’m not so sure. As I mentioned in my previous post I believe I am being called to full time ministry within the Uniting Church. People often talk of God opening doors, in my case I feel like god has closed doors in order to make this one path even more obvious. This something that I have been reflecting back on over the last few days. Below I have listed some of those closed doors.

Door 1: Mathematics Teaching
Because of some unhelpful Austudy and Centrelink rules I was not able to finish maths education degree despite having done 3.5 years out of 4 and despite a chronic lack of mathematics teachers. Living in Newcastle at the time with one of the highest unemployment rates in Australia work was very hard to come by and I ended up with a part time job in at a semi rural Anglican church as a children and youth worker. An appoint that happened only because the arch bishop was on holiday – he told me that there was no way he would of let someone with my evangelical background through if he was not on holiday.

Door 2: Working with AFES
I still remember meeting with an AFES head cheese who I’m sure seemed a little worried that two women were basically running the group with the full time worker having left. As we chatted and I was asked questions that only had one right answer (I was given that answer if I didn’t get it right). I could sense that my version of evangelicalism (learnt from someone who was going from Moore Theological College to live in Byron Bay) was not really going to gel with the expected AFES line.

Door 3: Newcastle
I lived in Newcastle after I moved out of home. I loved Newcastle and I still have a soft spot for the city, but I just couldn’t get permanent work or finish my study so I had to move somewhere Perth was it.

Door 4: Studying somewhere other than Murdoch
When I applied to work with the Anglican Church in Perth I needed someone either with a theological qualification or studying theology. There are a huge range of theological colleges in Perth but with no money behind him or not a big enough ongoing income to pay for fees it turned all those choices to just one Murdoch Uni. Don’t get me wrong I loved my time at Murdoch, it has no only really dawned on me that if I study to be a minister I would find it incredibly hard to take off 4 years to study but now I only have one year left to go.

Door 5: Working with the Anglican Church
I loved my time with the Anglican Church I felt like I learnt a lot and really came to appreciate the Anglican ways of doing things. Maybe I could have stayed with the church in some capacity but the roles I had just didn’t have enough hours and although many people were keen to get me some other work to supplement it I had to stop the role. At the time I was gutted that I had to stop but there was no way I’d be priest in the Anglican church I just couldn’t honestly do the liturgy honestly as if it was the way that I best connected with God.

Door 6: A “Real” / “Decent” Job
I am a reasonably intelligent hard working honest person. Most people I meet think I could easily get a job in almost any field I feel like. The reality is I’ve been unemployed and underemployed a lot. Even in my current job I’ve been encouraged by people to find new work as they all think I can “do better”. I once took a careers course with a woman who had helped a lot of UK miners (made famous in the film Brassed Off) get new jobs. In a group of about 10 off everyone felt that they had major break throughs and clarifications about where they should be working. She apologised to me as she had no suggestions for me and admitted I was the only person she met that she couldn’t work out anything to suggest. Skills of Public speaking, teaching, pastoral care, a passion for social justice, experience working with and coordinating volunteers and the ability to work by myself just brought up blanks all the time.

Door 7: Climbing The Ladder
The normal thing to do in most companies is to climb the ladder to some comfortable middle management position. I haven’t been able to do this. The organization I work for is small there is no professional development and as the organization expands any position above mine is always looking for experience and qualifications above mine in fact I’m sure if my current role was re advertised it would ask for qualifications I don’t have. So I continue to the same role I have done for the last 5 years adding extra things to what I do as continue to become more efficient at what I do.

Any way that’s just a few things I could think of off the top of my head. This is probably not good blogging to blurt out all of this. But I’ve always blogged more as a public diary rather than trying to get a crowd of followers I could maybe one day sell advertising to.

I'm Taking The Plunge

Well I've decided to plunge in to Ministry. The first step will be to see if the Uniting Church denomination will have me. I'm still very open to this being a very real possibility. For the last little while I have been doing a Period of Discernment with the Uniting Church, as a part of this I have written out what I believe my call is. I've posted it below so you can have a read if you like and give me any thoughts.

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During the Period of Discernment I have had the time not so much to hear God's voice afresh but to get clarity on where I believe God has been calling me for some time.

I didn’t grow up in a Church going family, but at the age of ten inspired by what I heard in school scripture lessons started walking myself to the local Anglican Church and asked for a Bible for Christmas. This is something that only seems unusual only in hindsight. Since initially inciting me away from playing Lego in front of Sunday morning cartoons I feel like God has been calling me towards ministry.

Having grown up in a mainline Anglican church in Sydney I spent my early 20s away from home studying at Newcastle University and involved with an Evangelical Christian group on campus. It was a time where I developed in my faith and could try my hand at preaching, leading several small groups and other committees. I learnt a lot and first started seriously considering whether I was being called to ministry. One group leader told me "if you don't become a minister we've done something wrong" and another said that “even before any training you’d better than most ministers”. I felt I could not just ignore these comments, laced as they might have been with unhelpful judgments about those already working in ministry. After these two leaders had left the group I started to investigate the possibility of taking up an official leadership role within the group. After a couple of conversations with some of the hierarchy I sensed that I would not be the kind of person they were looking for. I was just not theologically conservative enough. Instead I took up a position as a youth worker with an local Anglican Church.

In my mid 20s I moved to Fremantle and developed good friendships with the local non Christians but struggled to break into any Church community. I did get involved para-church organisations like Scripture Union. I felt like I connected spiritually with my non Christian friends more than the Christian people I was meeting, I wondered if I found it hard to break in to a church community what it would be like for them. On one occasion a non Christian couple said to me “If you ran a church I'd go to it” I felt like I was listening to Balaam’s Donkey. These were people who I thought were at best ambivalent to Christianity and here they were telling me they'd go to a church if I ran it. I felt God was telling me this is what you should be doing.

Having made good friends with a liberal Anglican man, through Scripture Union we formed a School based ministry group called “Exposure”. The group did various presentations to school students. One favorite was titled “Burn your Plastic Jesus” where at one point we would compare things Jesus said to some quotes of both modern musicians and fundamentalist moral crusaders. What to me seemed obvious to others seemed a rare ability to reframe the gospel in a way that students could connect with it often for the first time. On one occasion after doing a church service as the last part of a regional music festival a young non Christian year ten student told us "I wish church was always like that". We knew that his local churches were not like this. Both my friend and I could feel God calling us to return to some kind of church based ministry.

In my late 20s I took up a couple of roles with the Anglican Church first as Youth minister for the Northern Region (working with 6 churches and 2 schools) and then as Children and Youth Ministry Consultant for the Southern Region. My role as youth minister was both challenging and rewarding I enjoyed nothing more that journeying with both children as they wrestled with faith and adults as they wrested with how to make that faith connect with young people in their lives. The role was disbanded after involved parties realised that what they were unofficially promised could be done by one person spread over 8 places working only 3 days a week. As a Children and Youth Ministry Consultant (2 days a week) I continued to work with adults as they wrestled with the question “How can I do ministry in my context”. Working with the Anglican church I gained a deep respect and appreciation for their traditions and liturgies but it was still did not feel that it was me. In fact at the time I was part of small home church made up of mix of people with different levels of faith none of whom attended church.

Concurrently I studied Theology at Murdoch University achieving a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Theology where I achieved a distinction average. My wife particularly noticed how invigorated I was when I was actively wrestling with theology and how much I missed it when I completed my study.

I my 30s I found full time work with Drug and Alcohol agency as their Youth Outreach coordinator. In the role I lead teams of part time staff and volunteers to reach out to marginalised people in a range of contexts. I have long had a passion for social justice and those on the margins and felt lucky to find a job with this as it's focus. As much as I had always had the highest respect for those involved practical social justice, I have never felt completely comfortable in my role and have felt God calling me not so much to be doing but to involved in nurturing the hearts and mind of people so that they would desire to do this kind of work. I had also begun to see the limits of what a professional organistaion can do the possibilities a community of people can offer.

At this time I also started attending the Billabong Uniting Church and found a denomination that believed it was “able to live and endure through the changes of history only because it's Lord comes, addressed, and speaks with people in and though the news of his completed work” and “desired to work together and seek union with other churches”. A denomination where I felt more at home than anywhere I had been before. I had the opportunity to be a mentor, a small group leader, run an alternative evening service and on occasion preach. The last time I got to preach one person told me that "when I listen to you I move on" she felt like she had learnt something concrete and could move onto other challenges and issues in her life. I could sense God again asking me “so why are you doing this only occasionally?” I wrestled with this and spoke to my wife who had always been nervous about the idea of being married to a minister and for the first time she was not only content with the idea but felt that I should pursue it. This is when I started the Period of Discernment.

As I reflect on my life I feel that God has slowly developed in me a range of skills and passions uniquely suited to being a minister of the word. I I feel that God has had a direct hand in guiding the kind of work and experience that I have had over my life. I have spent much of my life either working part time or unemployed and despite my best efforts to secure work in other fields, doors have continued to open in fields of ministry. I feel I might be betraying God's efforts if I were not to pursue this possibility of becoming a Minister of the Word in the Uniting Church.

Word Image

I've just discovered Wordle. It's a tool for creating word images of text or websites. This is the image created for this blog. Pretty cool huh.