How do people measure a good life? For some it's the size of their assets. For others it's the number or quality of their achievements. For others it's the quality of their relationships. Perhaps for most of us it's some combination of these three.
Most good mid-life crisises occur when a billionaire, or a sports star realises that assets and achievements just don't mean as much as they'd hoped. Those of us, like me, who are "just" raising the kids may also be wondering "was it all worth it?" Are the hours of exposure to my own neuroses any less damaging than the hours of day care that two full time workers need to put their kids through.
Almost every aspect of my life could be labelled as "under achiever" at best. Fourteen years ago a friend gave me a book titled "the underachievers diary", she saw it and thought immediately of me. A life of underachieving is a trajectory I've been on for a while. There is a long list of things that could have been or almost were that in the end amounted to nothing. Now, I'm giving up trying to "turn my life around". I'm giving up trying to succeed, achieve or accumulate. I'm going to try and embrace my failures and live each day to the values I hold dear.
Failure just seems woven through out the Xn story from the small nation of Israel through to the person of Jesus; who after three years work found himself alone strung up on a cross.
Love is the embrace of failure. True love is sticking by your unemployed spouse, your mentally ill or frail spouse. I'm going to guess it's harder to love someone in various states of failure than a billionaire super model who adores you. It's harder to love the faithful son than the one who runs off and spends the inheritance. But that is what love is, what a meaningful life is. Embracing the failure in others and in our selves.
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